Jade Wolf New

till next time

I was waiting for the perfect one
Who would bring me out of coldness, into the sun,
And with first sight, I wonder if it could be you
If what I’m feeling is actually true.

Your loving eyes have warm my heart
And already it was a brilliant start,
Just to see you smile that special way,
Warm as summer on a chilly winter day.

And with a laugh so true and crystal clear,
You wipe away every bit of fear,
And my trust will mend,
over time with no intend.

Your touch so soft and full of care,
Is far more tender than a gentle breeze of air,
And your manners compares with the best
And it’s outstanding from those of the rest.

Your angelic voice, with golden quality,
Is brilliant, and possess no vanity,
And I still hear you say
My name in such a way,

That I can’t help to smile inside
And feel that over difficulties I could glide
till next time we meet....
Jade Wolf New

Would you catch me if I was falling

I'm falling faster than I had expected
I realized that life can cut you down

My friends are gone and family left
My life is just a crazy mess

But as I lay here I look at your eyes
And the questions in my mind erupt

'Would you catch me if I was falling
Would you hold me and never let me go
If I was crying can I lay my head in your lap
Will you brush my hair out of my face
And will you smile down on this aching soul
Will you breath your undying love into my mouth
And promise to protect this fragile heart from hell? '

But the one question that was stuck in my mind
‘would you catch me if I was falling? '
Jade Wolf New


 Well today is moving day. 
i'm so excited.. nervous and stress..
mostly the last two.

well my boyfriend and I have signed a 1 year lease for a flat in Berwyn  IL.
Don't want to say much cause i don't want to jinx it.

Jade Wolf New

In A Realationship With No One...?

 I feel like I’m doing this all by myself like I’m in a relationship with no one.
I constantly have conversations with a brick wall. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.
The pain inside of me builds each day with the less and less I see you and speak to you.  I find myself crying myself to sleep more and more often.
Your co-workers know more about you then your own girlfriend does. They spend more time with you too
.I understand that we are both under a lot of stress, with you being a full time worker and full time student but it doesn’t mean you have to be a part-time boyfriend. I miss spending time with you. I want to know how school is going, how work is going and just in general how your life is going. I care about you.
I need us to have an actual conversation. We need to sit down and really discuss things two sidedly. I need your help. Not just with finding an apartment but with life. I hate having to plan things all by myself. Thing that involves both of us, that should both of our decisions.
I know you don’t like it when I nag, but I can’t get through to you any other way. I have try and try again by asking nicely but in return I get nothing, no action, not even a response. What am I supposed to do? Where are we to go from here?
I feel like I shouldn’t have to remind you about some of the thing I do. I am a control freak I guess and I like to have a handle on my life. Right now my life seems like a mess, like my room. Clothes dirty and clean scattered throughout the floor, week old food on my bedside desk, unfinished art all over my desk, random objects thrown here and there.This is what my life feels like right now, messy, the clothes are things that I need to hang up, the week old food is stuff I need to throw out, the unfinished art are things I must finish, but have no inspiration to do so. The random objects are obstacles I must step over. Will you help me clean up my room and my life?
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
Jade Wolf New


I know I haven’t posted in a while and the past post have been mostly poems.

And well I’m not very good at expressing my feelings in others way except writing and drawing. Anyways I’d thought I’d just give anyone an update on what I have been doing.


What’s been going on for the past 14 weeks …


Well my boyfriend decided to move in with me at my parents place for the summer and work with me and my dad at the bakery. (Alpha Baking Co)  He has been paying rent every month and we have been having loads of fun. But it hasn’t been easy living with him, we have our rough spots but so far we have overcome them. I’ve had to comprise on certain aspects of my life, it’s been hard but he is worth it. We often fight about little meaningless things…

Like how to pronounce the word “Orange”        


Hehe I’m right ^_^

So yeah life is good right now. I’m the happiest I have been in a long, long time, most of you don’t know what or who I used to be. But I wasn’t a very happy person. I was one of those troubled teens, but it wasn’t b/c I wanted to be. Anyways I’ll save the story of my past for another time; it’s long, boring and depressing.. And I’m happy right now.


Fun stuff that I have done this summer:

LAFF Furmeets

Blue Man Group

Shedd Aquarium

Museum of Science and Industry

Admiral X

Brookfield Zoo

Nature Bike Rides

Hideaway Gay Bar

Tailgaters Bar

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Other Movies

Just hanging around snuggling on the couch/bed w/ my BF


I know I’m forgetting somethings.. oh well –shrugs-


What’s Next…

Well my plans for the future really depend on what decisions my boyfriend makes. If he decides to stay here in Illinois with me, keep his high paying job at the bakery and get an apartment with me as well or if he decides to go back home to New Hampshire and go back to college there.

Really I’ll support him in either decision he makes as long as I can still be included in his life. I can’t imagine a life without him.


Upcoming Events:

This Saturday Aug 8th - Indiana Dunes

Every Saturday – Rocky Horror Picture Show

Every 3rd Sat of the month –LAFF bowling

Whenever we feel like it – Tailgaters, Hideaway Bar or Admiral X


Anyways, if anyone wants to catch up with me and shoot the breeze or find out what I have been up to or going to be up to..

E-mail me at


I’ll send you my cell # from there.


I have verizon and unlimited Txt messages

Anyways See ya
Should I start doing commisions? Yes No HELL NO! YOUR ART SUCKS! Sure! i want one! other (comment)
Jade Wolf New


Is Anyone Listening?


Anyone listening
To what I have to say?
Just as I thought-
No one cares.
No one will miss me when I’m gone.
No one will even know that I’ve left.
Only you can help me now
But it’s ok if you don’t because
No one cares,
No one listens to me,
No one understands.
I just wish someone would listen to me!
I don’t know what to do anymore!

If your out there please post a comment
  • Current Mood
    crushed Depressed
Jade Wolf New

Radom Unfinished Stuff

*Just acouple of unfinsihed poems i have written in the past 2 months...
i really didn't feel like finishing them
Thought i'd share..
but yeah we all know no one read this journal anyways

Trust Issues

i don't like to have us fighting
i don't mean to be "that girl"
i can't help myself sometimes
i care for you so much

i'm sorry i don't trust you.
i really wish i could.
Trust is something you have to earn.
And honestly,
the amount of times you have hurt me
make me not trust you.
with all my heart ,i want to trust you

With all the people that have
come and gone in my life
they always say they will never leave
but they always do.
i admit i have abandonment and trust issues
we just have to work through them.

please try and understand
i just need to know
that you love me, want to be with me,
and won't intentionaly leave me
i'm sorry if that is too much to ask for,
it's just...
Just what i need to know.
it may take me a while to fully trust you
but please bare with me
i love you and i hope you feel the same.

Unanswered Questions

There are these constant questions that run through my mind.
I ask myself these things every time I look into your eyes.
Do I make you happy?
Is your life better now that i'm in it?
Do you care about me?
Do you love me?
Are you using me? For sex?
Are you only here to run away from your problems back home?
Are you going to hurt me, again?
How long are you going to be in my life for?
So many unanswered Questions
I'm not sure I really want to know the answers
I'm happy being by your side.
all that matters to me
Is that I love you.


  • Current Mood
    crushed Meh
Jade Wolf New



 They think they know me all so well,
But behind this mask I secretly dwell.
I hide my thoughts, my feelings too,
I hide so well from all of you.

I smile away the tears that fall,
I show no sign of weakness at all.
I hide behind an empty screen,
I’m different inside, not what I seem.

My hurt and tears get locked away,
And forever behind this mask they'll stay.
No matter how hard they try to escape,
I’ll hide away all my mistakes.

I hide me well, every day,
Forever in disguise I’ll stay.
I’ll smile away the tears that fall,
I’ll show no sign of weakness at all.

Jade Wolf New

Behind The Mask I Wear

Behind The Mask I Wear


I’m hurting inside but you don’t care.
You cannot see behind the mask I wear.
I cover the tears and hide the pain.
I love you but you’re to blame.

I pull down my sleeve to cover the cuts.
I’m hurting so bad because I love you so much.
I want to runaway disappear for a while.
I hate that I’m faking this pretty little smile.

I’m covering the bruises that are left on my heart.
I’m pushing out my hand so I wont fall apart.
This wall I’m building made of brick and stone.
Will protect my heart but leave me all alone.

I love you so much but I’m hurting inside.
The more you take the more I die.
For now were just friends but I want so much more.
My heart is breaking, my wounds are sore.

But for now I wont let any of that show.
Cause my feelings for you are out of control.
I'll wear my mask and pretend to be okay.
When it hurts like hell each and everyday.

Written for a friend.
hope this help explain how you feel
<3 Jade Wolf
Jade Wolf New

1500 Miles

1500 Miles

Thousands of miles apart, and you are still close to my heart.

At night I could still feel your embrace tight against my breast.

I could still hear your silent breathing in my left ear.

The raspy thumping of your heart in the pit of my stomach.

I could still feel you playing footsies with me underneath the sheets.

I’m still enjoying the silence between you and I.

I could still feel you tugging at the sheet gently not to wake me up.

I could still feel where we become silhouettes in the evening.

I could still feel you next to me even though we’re miles apart.

Please come back to me, for I need you.